i always wanted to be one of those “girls of your dreams” you wrote about. you asked how much i knew about you from the internet but i think you might’ve forgotten what you left public. it scares me the way you treated people. it scares me that you had more fun and freedom than i did. it scares me that it was all right there, right in front of my face for me to read. it scares me that i feel behind. i thought about mentioning it the other day, but i didn’t, so now i’m here- the last place i turn to when i know there’s nothing that will ease my thoughts besides writing them down and knowing that someone may or may not read them and understand. no one comes here to check on me anymore. maybe one day when you have a reason to, you’ll understand why i felt sick every time i let my mind wander.